Sunday, April 1, 2012

NO!

I have a two year old. 

His favorite word? 
"NO!"

This really is my favorite age. Though, for so many parents it's the most frustrating of time of all. 

This is the time in their sweet little lives when they become aware of themselves and what they want. If it's not something they want, expect the two year old fury to ensue. 

This, my friends, is the development of the ego.

Unfortunately, we all have one. Many of us let our ego lead us through our lives and our days, but some are conscious of their ego and are constantly working against it.


We seem to have to be reminded to think of others instead of ourselves. And society definitely isn't helping the egos of the world. 

How will this help me? 
What will I get out of this? 
I don't have time. 
I don't want to. 
No.
I work. I have kids. I have too many commitments. 
I'm too busy. 
Why? 
Maybe later. 


Don't I know it! I've said some of those same exact things. For six years, I've been working on a book. The book that I talk about with everyone. The book I know is waiting to be written. The book I know God has been nudging me to write. 


I have written parts of it here and there. As a teacher, summers are my time "off." So, June and July I've designated as my writing months. The reality is that I write during whatever time is leftover from being at the park, the pool, vacation, conferences, and taking lazy days. 


Really, there is no excuse. Excuses are really fear transformed. 


I admit it. I'm scared. What will people think? How can I write about all of that? I'm not ready to be judged. No one cares. No one will want to read it. I'm not the only one who's gone through this. My story isn't unique. 


I could go on and on, but I won't bore you with my self-doubt. I'm sure you've been there yourself. Aren't we our worst critics? 


For the last 3 months, that's been the conversation in my head, but the conversation in my heart was something different. God has a way of urging us and pushing us along when we willingly ask him to use our lives for His will. This is my prayer and has been for sometime. 


God teach through me. 
God love through me. 
God speak through me. 
God inspire through me. 
My story is YOUR story and if you say write, I will. 


It wasn't until the last week, I decided to stop the excuses. I sat in church with tears in my eyes just like I have for the last three months. 


I felt the same urging I had as a ten year old. The small Baptist church was having a revival. I remember sitting in a pew listening to tall, dark haired, deep voiced man. I cannot recall one sentence he said, but I can recall the very powerful urge I had to step out and walk to the front and ask Jesus to be my Savior. 


I didn't. Ya know, fear and all. 


Later that night, our home pastor and what would be one of my greatest life mentors, took me into his office and prayed with me and guided me toward the decision to follow Jesus. I have never felt anything that strong in my life. Well, once before, but that's where my book comes in. :) 


Fear has kept me from a lot of things in life, but Sunday morning it, finally, hit me. 


God has been asking me to do this one thing. He's been asking for years and yet I continue to make excuses out of fear. I continue tell him "no." 


Well, when I put it like that I realized who was wrong in this whole process. ME! 


So, that night I found an old t-shirt from my college days and threw it on with some yoga pants. I climbed into my bed, turned on my laptop, pulled out my writing journal, and I decided to set a goal of 4 hours a week. 


5 days later I've accomplished the following: 


1. Confirmed what would be the 10 chapter titles of my book
2. Started taking notes with the notes app on my phone anytime I had 5 minutes to spare
3. Contacted 2 authors, one of which emailed me a detailed outline of what I needed to do #gratitude
4. Contacted a digital graphics artist to talk about a logo and buying domains
5. Created this blog, a twitter account, a Facebook account
6. Wrote 2,000 words to add to my existing 14,000
7. Spent a total of 15 hours this week writing. 15! My I-don't-have-time theory is shot. 
8. Vowed to stomp out that fear every time it creeps back. 
9. Was showen more support and "God winks" in a week than I have seen in the last 6 years. 


That was exactly one week ago. 


What would happen if you opened your heart up today? What would happen if you decided to set your ego and agenda aside? What would happen if you told Him "YES!" instead of "NO." 


What would happen?