Tuesday, November 6, 2012

I Choose Him

Let's say you were to choose. Would you choose Him every time? 

We were smack in the middle of our 40 Days of Thankfulness Challenge when I got a phone call that challenged me to my core.  I was posed with one of the most difficult situations of my life. Most years I find that I'm most challenged between days 15-25 and this year shook my world. 

This situation involved love, bitterness, forgiveness, anger, apology, animosity, miracles, fear, prayer, and rejection. I know that if you're reading this, you've been faced with all of those emotions or experiences at some point in your life. Like me, you may have experienced them all at the exact same time. 

There is a person in my life that has hurt and disappointed me over and over and over. Not many know about the details and those that do have never actually witnessed the challenges of this behavior firsthand. 

The situation I found myself in involved many people with many different emotions. They came from different places, but all were tied to this person who needed as much support and love as possible. For most of my life, I've had to create a distance with this person in order to grow, learn, and heal. 

Many things over the years have been left unsaid and unmentioned, but this situation called for walls to be broken down. So, I went. I went in love, prayer, forgiveness, and humble apology. We went. What we found was a heartbreaking situation. We prayed over the situation and saw God work amazing things in front of us. We continued to pray and offer love and help. I used phrases like:  "I love you. I forgive you. I'm sorry. The past has passed." 

As the situation evolved and became amazingly workable even though everyone said it wouldn't, we watched in absolute awe of God's amazing grace and love. His power cannot be denied. 

Unfortunately, as we watched a miracle happen we also watched our person go back to being angry and bitter. We listened as our person listed every way we wronged them. We listened as our person said they did not need to help. We listened as our person made their choice. We listened as our person said negative things about each of us. We listened as our person questioned why we did what we did. 

"Did you do it because of your love for God/church or did you do it because you love me?" 

Talk about a moment of rejection. 

Here's what I say to that question: 

The love I give is the same love that I have for God and my family of choice. The love is from God. I praise Him even when I'm rejected. I love YOU even when you reject me, say negative things about me to others, or talk to me in anger. I am not perfect because I love God/church, but His love is perfect and since I'm abundantly filled with it, I'm going to pass it on. That's what I choose. I choose Him, His love, and to pass that on to YOU. 

Satan is real and when he sees an opportunity to pull us away from God he will. He will use other's weak spirit to try to make us doubt God's love for us. He will use other's words to have us believe lies. He will use difficult relationships to tear us down. He will try to make us drown in our feelings of rejection and abandonment. He will use others to stir drama and try to get us off track and forget the truth. 

I'm not going to hold on to your anger, resentment, bitterness, animosity, or rejection. I've given it to God so I have free hands to grab on to God's love and promises. He fills my every need. He has never abandoned me. He loves me SO. He has shown up time and time again, especially in the desparate moments I've been on my knees begging for his presence to surround me. His favor shines down on me and I'm planted in Him. He has a plan and purpose for every breath and I know that my story is His story. 

My job is not to fix you or to put you in your place. My job is not to vindicate myself. My job is to love you even in your wrath. My job is to pray for you even if you don't fully believe in it's power. My job is to choose Him with every breath I take. 


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