Wednesday, January 8, 2014

The Aftermath

While we are quickly approaching Jace's leukemia diagnosis anniversary, we have began to describe this phase of our life and his treatment as "The Aftermath." 

Last January, it was like a bomb went off in our lives jolting us to hang on to the foundation beneath us and to hold on to those around us. Things didn't really seem to "settle" until the fall. That was a LONG time to hold on and ride. 

Now, we feel like we've found a little more of our footing and are beginning to stand tall and look around. Things are definitely not what they were before. 

They don't look the same because our eyes see differently.
They don't feel the same because our hearts have expanded. 

This new year is like we are waking up to a completely different world. We think differently, we speak differently, we love differently, we see time differently, we see people differently and while this is our journey we also recognize that not everyone will get it. 

They won't get why we keep saying to be grateful anyway. They won't get why we brush off the trivial things of life. They won't get why we apologize more and forgive more abundantly. They won't understand why we now are more relational  instead of  transactional when interacting with others. They won't understand why our focus and passion has changed. They won't, but many of you will. 

Since I was 11, I've loved the church hymn Blessed Assurance . . .

This is my story, this is my song...
Praising my savior all the day long...

I sang it with pride and a deep understanding that God had me where he wanted me because my story really is HIS story. 

We all have a story to tell. We all have overcome. We all have struggled. We all  have felt alone. We all have told ourselves that we are alone. We all have something in our past that we've wrestled with and replayed in our minds over and over. 

Some of us push our story way down deep. Some of us never speak our story, Some of us blame our story for our present life. 

Our story can help someone else if we let it, but we have to tell it. 
Because if we tell it, we realize that many others have felt the exact way we do. 

Let's be honest. It's not always pretty. It's not always easy. And to be honest, ya'll, these past few weeks have been difficult particularly for me. I feel God stirring the depths of my soul. 

Now I'm here, sharing with you the biggest story my life has yet to tell. 

While I stand in the ashes trying to make out the future, I also stand in faith and knowledge that I will rise anyway. I already know that a "song can rise from the ashes of a broken life. (tenth avenue north)"

I know from my experience that God's plan for me is bigger than ANYTHING I ever could have dreamed while standing in the aisle of the small church singing my little eleven year old lungs out ( off tune, I might add). 

I know that seasons come and go. Some are long, some are short. It will be over when it has fulfilled it's purpose. 

 He has faithfully shown me that time and time and time again. 

So, I'll faithfully trust that this next season will be greater than anything I've even known. 

:)