Sunday, May 10, 2015

Not Always Happy

I swore I would turn off my phone and deactivate my Facebook account at midnight. 

Mother's Day. 

This day has never been up there with my favorite holidays. Actually, it's probably my least favorite aside from Valentine's Day.  From a very young age, being adopted brought on a certain set of feelings associated with Mother's Day. Of course I'm thankful for both my birth mother and my adoptive mother, but this day was always a reminder of the struggle I've had with both. One I know nothing about and have never met. One was the most difficult relationship I've ever had. 

After having three amazing kids of my own, I am always honored to be their mom, but that's true every single day of the year. Both my kids and husband honor me every  day with things they say and do to lift me up. I've always felt that the official day creates too much pressure for them and for me. 

I have never doubted that I am a good mom. I've worked hard to teach and model for my kids what I always wanted myself as a child. I'm confident in my parenting and know that this is my lasting legacy for generations after me. I was even working on how I would parent long before I had kids. 

Not having a happy day on Mother's Day seems to make people uncomfortable, so rather than speak up, I usually spare the uncomfortableness and just smile and wave. But it's not just about me. 

The problem I have with Mother's Day is that it doesn't naturally account for those that are grieving the loss of their mom or for those moms who've lost a baby before they even were able to meet them. It doesn't account for those kids who possibly lost their mom to suicide or for the moms whose kids don't acknowledge them any day of the year. It doesn't lessen the blow for those who want to be moms, but constantly are struggling to get pregnant or for those who were possibly abandoned by their moms.  

So many scenarios, so much pain wrapped up into a day. So, no, Mother's Day isn't always happy and for some it never will be. And that is ok.